You people have caused Michael Bolton no end of misery, and I just hope you're happy.
Mother's new spot for Optimum features good sport Bolton giving his dog a bath, jumping on a trampoline and rocking out in his amps-only living room while people like you—who make me sick, you're so inconsiderate—keep calling him and calling him.
The well-cast Optimum spokesperson shamefacedly explains that the company's new 866 number is just one digit different than Michael Bolton's number (please don't call him—he's had enough grief from you) and flashes both numbers up on the screen to explain the error. "Oops," says the Optimum rep, grinning sheepishly.
Yeah, "Oops." You've just given the vulture-like American public a way to get in touch with the beloved singer of "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You," and probably also some other songs, too. For the love of God, folks, leave the man alone.
OK, so I called Michael Bolton, mostly to ask him what he's been up to recently. But when I dialed the number in the ad, I got the following phone tree: "Hello, you've reached Michael Bolton. Press 1 if you thought you were calling Optimum to get TV, phone and internet for $84.95 a month. Press 2 to hear me shred on the guitar. Press 3 to hear how I warm up before a performance. Press 4 to hear me speak Spanish. Press 5 to hear a funny joke."
The joke's not actually that funny, but Michael Bolton laughs. Well played, Mother. Well played.